Introducing Zachary Luchetti (and his very funny bio)

Zachary Luchetti

We get a lot of Reader Submissions at this site and we love them. They tend to range from the "What were they thinking?" to "Why isn't this guy a professional model?" Every so often, one catches your attention for a very different reason, as is the case with Pennsylvania native Zachary Luchetti. His biography is not only the funniest singer bios that we've ever read, but it perfectly lampoons the beefed up biographies that many performers post on their websites. 

Luchetti is about to open as Wagner in the Berks Opera Company's production of Gounod's Faust starring Jeremy Galyon as Mephistopheles and hunkentenor James Valenti in the title role. In partnership with the Caron Treatment Centers, this production was conceptualized to address the issue of addiction. The performance depicts the cycle of addiction and rehabilitation with supertitles that are faithful to the language of the modern drug culture. Performances are on August 14 and 16 at the Miller Center for the Arts in Reading, PA and tickets are available online.

Zachary Luchetti in Pirates of Penzance (left)

Here is Luchetti's unedited bio:

Zachary Luchetti, baritone, is an Appalachian trained singer. He has cut his teeth on the regional scene from the flats of southern Ohio, through the Laurel Highlands, to the almost Pocono Mountains of Berks County, PA, with the majority of his work being done in Pittsburgh, the area’s Parisian cultural equivalent. A barihunk of once uncommon beauty, he used to possess an almost flat stomach and rather strong jaw line. However, in 2011 one of his best friends became pregnant with her first child, and he ate through the pregnancy with her. Now the aforementioned features have lost most of their sharpness, yielding to a more softened distinction.

A gifted and versatile performer, Mr. Luchetti’s performances are usually reviewed using one word superlatives ranging from “arresting” to “impressive” to “fine” (Reading Eagle). The self-observed go-to-guy on the regional D-List circuit, he makes no pretense about his status in the business. While he isn’t exactly sought after, he has amassed an impressive resume of over 70 roles in his short career, notably including Figaro in Il barbiere di Siviglia, Silvio in I Pagliacci, Amonasro in Aida and the Big Bad Wolf in DePue’s The True Story of the Three Little Pigs, for which he was once on local radio. Although he maintains a day job, Mr. Luchetti still makes enough money singing for all of the contract work to eat up his tax refund when he enters his many 1099-Misc forms into Turbo Tax®.

Currently he is considering semi-retirement so that he can focus on a job that will yield enough net income to allow him to go out with friends when they call, take a vacation to a place not within a day’s driving distance and start a savings account without worrying about dipping below the minimum balance most banks require. When he is not singing, Mr. Luchetti relaxes by sitting in a lawn chair on the sidewalk outside his street level one bedroom apartment. There he enjoys blasting Whitney Houston ballads through the only window in his residence and sipping whatever almost decent discount wine he came across on the last chance wall at the liquor store, all the while waiting for the typical late afternoon bar fights to erupt at the local watering hole adjacent to his location where someone was allegedly shanked a couple years ago.